gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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