Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
