you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
