The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
