Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
