Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
