It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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