my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize