I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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