If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
