I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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