Pappa wants mamma naked
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
