remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
