This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
