If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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