i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
