oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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