I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
