apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
