you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
