Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
