Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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