When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize