Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
