I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
