youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
