it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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