I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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