Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
