you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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