my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
