Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
