If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
