Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
