Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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