what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
