Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The air was thick with penises
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
