we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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