the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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