Buhtt sex?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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