She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
