he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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