Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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