i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
