I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
