new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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