My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
