when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
