Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
