Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
