I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
