He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we made out on top of his cat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
