Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
