i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize