Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
