hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
