Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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