I am puke
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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