his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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