Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize