My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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