Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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