You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
