He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
