I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
