I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I need moral support for this bender
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
