i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You work out of a Hotel?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
