In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
