This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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