Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
