that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize