i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
